Skits & Promos

(Beard enters carrying a cardboard staff) Beard Here I come, out to the ring Covered in colors, I must sing My gimmick, spray paint I will fling Beard the weird is here, ding ding ding (Blyndde enters carrying Alastor's staff) Blyndde Here I come, ready to bash your head Seeing no colors, but there will red With this match i shall end the dread Beard will wish he never left his bed Beard That staff hath brought evil within Not fooled, i know Blyndde's grin For this, is evil Blyndde full of sin To free her, this match, i must win Blyndde Ha, you, win a match against me? Call me blind, clearly you can't see No disqualifier match, try to flee For evil Blyndde is NOW FREE!!! Beard Attacks Blyndde Evades And Attacks Back Beard falls Carlo ( Interrupt ) Ever since she found that staff My pizza, she would then laugh My friend, I miss you, my other half Please, I beg, stop this witchcraft Blyndde ( Good ) Carlos, my friend Carlos, he calls My Carlos, made vegan meatballs Oh Carlos, stay away, no more falls Beard, NOW, while I can still stall Beard Now's my chance, fix my stance Shake the can, and then advance Around the ring, I shall dance The paint sprays out and expands! Blyndde ( Monologue ) Ha, your gimmick won't work More then that to ruin my smirk This staff, power insides does lurk Down Clown, this is MY CIRQUE Beard Attacks with the staff Either Staff Breaks And Blind wins Or Beard wins and breaks the staff Beard The evil is gone, the staff destroyed What if another tool gets employed? The evil may return redeployed For now, the good must be enjoyed!

What's this? What's this? What magic does it store? What's that? What's that? Is it music at it's core? This staff, This staff Hell writhe from it's roar! The owner... the owner... His name... is... Alastor!!!

Legend tells of a great tale from hell Evil bells played by Bell of a hotel Even felled did fail as his reach filled Blood shelled as sung spells spilled The evil contained in this staff Must be contained, sooner then stat For if we delay, then it might just act Upon itself, upon us all, that's a fact How to unclip the power in it's wings Magic defeats magic, perhaps rings? It's magic intensifies when it sings But the music flows from it's strings How do we stop what it's planned? Maybe with some help from the fans? If a song fails, perhaps boos can land End of it's curse, crack where it stand A song so bad, it can't benefit Our only chance to destroy it Lend us a voice, please counterfeit Do it so poorly, that it won't be mint This staff from hell won't survive Used to evil dancing and jive It won't stand our bad acting live And go back to hell it will dive

Tonight's weirdcast is going to be a, <sniffs beard>, strong one. Reports have come in that a new portal has opened up near the dairy queen. People are being urged to get their blizzards and leave as soon as possible. If an interdimensional being does.ask for a ride somewhere, tell them this exact phrase. <Sniffs beard> "Urgle dortle wortle snurgle," and they will leave you alone. Do not under any circumstances offer them food. This has been Bears the Weird with today's weird forecast. Back to you, Brick!

Walking around this town, i can't help but feel like something is missing. Something that is extremely concerning. Bland white walls. Boring business suits. Idle weather talk. Where is the weird at? Where is the color? Where are the crazy people at? As Weird ambassador, I will do everything in my power to bring Blended Falls into the wacky world of weirdness. We will make even Austin Texas seem boring.

Beirds arch nemesis Norm the Normal Speaker plays "Norm!" Whenever he enters Invisible to everybody but Beird and the audience Shave the beird match/spray the beird match Looks like Beird is talking/wrestling himself to the group Weird Clown Posse Meeting with Hire Ups Cardboard slides ( PowerPoint Slides ) I asked around for advice on how to prepare and someone told me to make some pointed slides that our powered. So, outside near the ticket booth, we now have some fun slides that our audience can ride before purchasing tickets. Giraffe Bar ( Graph Bar ) It's a giraffe made out of candy bars. Not sure how that is supposed to help sell the idea, maybe to sweeten it or something? Pie Chart This is supposed to represent our revenue. Obviously, 50% comes from Carlo's delicious pizza pie. Then we have cream pies at 30%, the audience loves throwing them at us. Pinkie pie has created quite a market for us, she just loves the concession stand. Oh, and speaking of, we've created a rap!

Morpheus: I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice. Tumbling down the rabbit hole? Neo: Alice, Alice, hmm, something about that name sounds familiar. Morpheus: You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. Do you know what I'm talking about? Neo: The Paintrix? Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is? Morpheus: The Paintrix is everywhere, it is all around us. You can see it when you look in the ring, or when you work with cardboard. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. Neo: Which tooth? Morpheus: That you are a wrestler, Beard. Like everyone else, you were born in the ring. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Paintrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. Morpheus: You huff the blue paint and the story ends. You wake in your cardboard bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You huff the red paint and I' ll show you how far the realms actually go.

And Saint Beard raised the holy cardboard box up on high, saying, 'O Alastor, bless this thy holy cardboard box, that with it thou mayst enslave thine enemies souls in it.' And the radio demon did grin. And the crowd did feast upon the pizza, and pepperonies, and chicken, and anchovies, and peppers, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bits... Skip a bit Beard And the radio demon spake, saying, ''First shalt thou take out the Holy paint. Then shalt thou count to 666, no more, no less. Six six six shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be 666. 667 shalt thou not count, neither count thou 665, excepting that thou then proceed to 666. 668 is right out. Once the number 666, being the 666th number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy cardboard box of Alastor towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.' 664, 665, 667 666 sir 666

Beep beep beep Quick, grab a crash cart! Beep beep beeeeeep Hurry, we've almost lost him! Beard, Beard, don't go towards the light! Come on, stay with us and fight! Beep beep beep Huff, huff, where, where am I? Oh, I think you know where you are. But it's not your time, not yet. You've fallen down so far. But time you have, to win that bet. Beep beep beep He's stable, for now. Quick, put him back in a coma. Beep beep beep

Statler: “Welcome to the first ever WrestleCook Showdown! Where food gets flipped—and so do the chefs!” Waldorf: “If the food doesn’t kill ‘em, the body slams will!” Fozzie: “All right chefs! You have 15 minutes to cook your signature dish while wrestling! Aaaaand—WACKA WACKA—BEGIN!” Miss Piggy immediately body slams a sack of flour into Elmo’s face. Miss Piggy: “That’s for undercooking the crust, you adorable disaster!” Elmo: giggles “Carlo sees stars! Is-a that mozzarella?” Swedish Chef bellyflops onto a table of rolling pins, sending dough flying into the audience. Swedish Chef: “Hurdy flurdy meat-a tornado!” Elmo is spinning pizza dough—and spinning himself—until he accidentally hurls a flying pizza disc that knocks Miss Piggy’s roast duck into the crowd. Miss Piggy yells “RAW!” in pure Gordon Ramsay rage and drops an elbow on a pile of undercooked risotto. The Swedish Chef pulls out a turkey cannon and accidentally fires a whole bird into the referee’s whistle. Fozzie (muffled): “Mmph! Fowl play! Wacka wacka!” Elmo sneaks over and secretly swaps Miss Piggy’s salt with sugar. Elmo (to himself): “Heehee, Carlo loves chaos!” Miss Piggy retaliates by turning up Elmo’s oven to 600°F. Miss Piggy: “Let’s see if your pizza can survive INFERNO MODE.” All three contestants meet in the middle of the ring for a final showdown. Miss Piggy karate-chops a baguette in half. The Swedish Chef whirls two spatulas like fans. Elmo jumps off the top turnbuckle and lands in a bowl of marinara. They grapple, roll, and stir at the same time—each trying to plate their dish while in a chokehold. Kermit (from the judge's table): “Uhh guys? One minute left and…uh…there’s a fire in the risotto. Also a literal fire.” Fozzie: “Time's up! Aprons down! Wrestlers out!” Kermit walks up, slightly singed and covered in powdered sugar. He tastes each dish: Miss Piggy’s duck confit explodes with glitter when cut. Elmo’s pizza is slightly charred but shaped like a heart. The Swedish Chef presents what appears to be spaghetti... with gummy worms. Kermit: “And the winner is...uh... who cooked the fire extinguisher?” [ALL THREE CONTESTANTS TACKLE KERMIT INTO A MOUNTAIN OF SPAGHETTI] Fozzie: “That’s it for Kitchen Smackdown! Wacka wacka! Next week—Cupcake Armageddon!” Statler: “I haven’t seen food this abused since the cafeteria in ‘Nam.” Waldorf: “That’s nothing. I ate there last week.”

from now on, any time he gets a head shot ( chair to the head, slammed into the stairs, etc... ), i'm going to ask the person that did it to roll. if it comes up 12, i'll temporarily find myself inside of an abandoned walmart. there will be cardboard boxes and cans of spray paint all over the place. but in the corner, there will be a scaled down makeshift wrestling ring made of cardboard and rope with and a bunch of action figures inside. and along the ring will be chairs with mannequins sitting inside holding signs like at an actual wrestling show if they roll snake eyes, then for a brief second he will be in a room full of people rolling dice and acting like elves and dwarves